We put up Halloween decorations last night.
I made a great dinner, set the table & called everyone in.
It was supposed to be a 20 minute bonding - we could all talk about our day.
Then BAM!!!!!! it completely fell apart.
Literally within 4 minutes.
Girls were arguing. One of them melted down &
John and I just looked at eachother.
My immediate unhealthy perspective went to
blame - blaming myself.
What did I do wrong? What is wrong with our family?
I could feel my body fill with sadness and then anger.
Every other family is having a great meal, talking, bonding.
Why isn't ours????
It took me till this morning - to actually about 5 minutes ago to step back.
I read Jesus Calling
and ONCE AGAIN he reminded me of what I forgot.
To thank him for the struggles because I'm being taught something.
I'm getting stronger & I'm learning.
But so many times, especially during our dinner time last night it
doesn't feel like that - I loose sight of that reminder.
Now looking back I realized I jumped on the rollercoaster, got dizzy
too and therefore couldn't step back.
I was in it with them.
That's such the hard part for me with parenting.
We are supposed to be on the ground, two feet on the ground
watching them on the rollercoaster so when they get off & feel
dizzy we can hold them till they settle down.
But I got on the dad gum ride too.
Today is a new day.
I'll try again.
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